Christian Marriage Help – How to Stop Baggage from Ruining Your Marriage

We may not like it, but each of us brings baggage with us, and we’ve been told that those emotional suitcases matter.

And we’ve also been told that this baggage is what causes strife within our marriages.In marriage, those suitcases can be put down because they don’t matter.

By the way, before we continue here’s a complete discussion of baggage and how it affects getting Christian marriage help. Just click on that link and you can watch a free video (and get a free DVD) that explains everything.

Joel and I didn’t have perfect or happy childhoods. Like us all, we both struggled with past issues. Joel struggled with his parents’ divorce and his father’s remarriage to a member of his congregation.

Joel and his brother turned to drugs, and by the time he entered middle school, he was a disaster.

Unable to grow and mature, Joel was still that ten year old kid emotionally. He was still that child inside an adult’s body by the time we got married.

Factor in the stumbling blocks of my own. Before kindergarten, I was sexually molested in a park.

This experience, coupled with going through the court trial that followed, added a countless amount of baggage to my five year old self. When I finally started kindergarten, things weren’t much better.

After a fellow classmate tricked me into a box during Hide-and-Seek, I vowed I would never go back to school again. I just couldn’t. For the rest of my school years I was the girl that was made fun of for my crooked teeth or my ugliness.

As the years passed, I brought all of this weight with me to our marriage. When Joel and I started marriage counseling, we were told my baggage was the reason that our marriage was falling apart. This wasn’t exactly the kind of Christian marriage help we needed, however it was something we believed because almost everyone we knew believed in it.

What we didn’t know at the time was the Joel was driving me crazy because he was hitting on the same things my abusers had hit on. Unintentionally, he had zeroed in on all of the baggage and hurt that was inside of me.

By rekindling the violation I felt so long ago, Joel was taking away my power just as my abuser had when I was five.

At the time, Joel was afraid of this heavy stuff, the hefty baggage that I was holding on to. He’d often say, “Go talk to your girlfriends, go talk to God.”. It’s too heavy for me, I can’t handle this!” His unwillingness to help me explore and heal my pain caused me to explode. It looked like our marriage was heading for failure.

But I’m here to testify and tell you now that as Christ loved the Church and brings healing, a husband can love his wife and bring healing to her.

I stand here now a whole woman — and someone who has found the strength to forgive those who hurt me. It’s all because of what God has brought to our marriage. Joel loves me unconditionally, and that has healed me. Had we continued trying traditional Christian marriage counseling advice, we never would have learned the truth.

Joel has healed too, as a result of his unlimited and pure love for me. We are happier and stronger than we have ever been, through the power and grace of God.  Amen.

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